Once upon a time...

What happens when you can't keep track of a real diary.

Monday, July 12, 2004

Again, I can feel the creeping dissatisfaction with my job. The dread of waking each morning to sit in my car near other people in their sealed morning daze, as we drive toward the brick building that habit tells us belongs to us.

This time it's not entirely due to the job. I am currently in the unfortunate position of a doomed man. I know exactly when my job ends. September 30, 2004. I have until then to find another job. Certain knowledge of the end of employment brings a strange melancholy. I have a very deep-seated work ethic and sense of competition. I want to be the best at my job, without any question. It has taken a while, but, that ethic is staggering a bit against the argument that, no matter how well I do my job, no matter how many other people's job responsibilities I take on to myself, I will still lose my job on September 30, 2004. The only thing I have to work for is my own sense of standards, my own principals. That can be cold comfort, however, when I stare at Unemployment on October 1.

Realistically, I know that I'll be fine. I will find something. My own history has proven that I will do whatever is necessary to survive. I won't like it, but I'll survive. That's part of the reason I have two roommates. Now that I have their rental income, I can assuage my fears by reminding myself that at worst, I can get by on as little as half of what I'm making now. I wouldn't like it, but I could do it if necessary.