Once upon a time...

What happens when you can't keep track of a real diary.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

I still don't want to be here.
I estimate I applied for 30 jobs today. So much of my sense of self worth is tied into my ability to remain independent, to pay for my own way. I hate losing my job. You would think it would be easier knowing that the people directly managing me are horrified that they are going to have to eliminate my position, but it's not. That's exactly what happened last time. Everyone was terribly sorry, and they tried so hard, and make sure to use them as a reference. Bah.

I hate working for other people.
I'm terrified of working for myself.

And here we are again - I don't want to be here.